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Divorce & Separation Mediation

Why the Law is Unequal to the Job
The Advantages of Mediation
About the Mediatior - Bob Hollander, JD, LCSW-C

Why the Law is Unequal to the Job
When couples decide to separate and divorce, they unfortunately face circumstances that can make their lives even more difficult. They will have to engage a legal system that often complicates decision-making and increases emotional distress.

Those who are separating can become very upset with the maddening delays, incomprehensible rules and complicated language of a legal system that is cumbersome, non-responsive and sometimes completely “out of touch” with everyday needs. A complex, frustrating and prolonged drama is played out in the expensive world of lawyers, judges and courts where critical life decisions and your ultimate destiny are regularly surrendered to a cast of strangers.

Because of its adversarial structure, the law often becomes more a hindrance than a help during such crucial turning points in your life. Its rigid structure is often unsympathetic to the many issues that require special and careful treatment for couples and families that are breaking up.

Its adversarial philosophy drives people away from collaboration and agreement by impeding direct, clear and honest communication while fanning the strong winds of a turbulent emotional past.

The Result:

  1. Cooperation is not fostered
  2. Significant issues are not discussed
  3. Teamwork is absent during a time when vitally important issues need quick resolution
  4. Coming together collaboratively is an impossibility
  5. Creative problem solving is absent
  6. New options and alternatives increasing the probabilities of resolution remain obscure
  7. The benefits of focusing on shared mutual interests are lost
  8. You will lose considerable control over your destiny

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There is a better way - a way that enhances communication, reduces destructive emotions and encourages collaboration based upon shared interests. Here couples communicate directly under the guidance of a trained mediator who escorts them safely through the destructive and hazardous emotional blocks to final resolution. And it will be a resolution more responsive to the precise interests of the couple, rather than general mandates of the law and of the courts.

You will eliminate aggressive and expensive attorneys who magnify resentments which often increase the pain and suffering of the couple, and which continue to complicate and postpone ultimate agreement.

When couples are given the chance to genuinely communicate and sincerely listen within a structured environment under the guidance of a trained mediator, they are escorted through the perils of intense emotions and “irresolvable deadlocks.” Because of this, a new future will be crafted by the couple with minimal intrusion by the legal system.

An agreement can accordingly be reached by the couple which will fully take into account all of their short-term and long-term needs, issues and concerns. This agreement will necessarily be the product of the couple rather than one promulgated by the courts, and will make future litigation unlikely.

Children, who are most at risk during such an emotional upheaval, are the significant beneficiaries of this process. Utilizing the benefits of mediation will consistently set the tone for an open, peaceful and mutually supportive atmosphere, an environment that will protect your children from the bitter and painful crosswinds of parental controversy and hostility. Thankfully, instead of reaping the consequences of rivalry and vengeance, your children will experience the reassurance of parents who are commitment to standing foursquarely behind them no matter what, united in the spirit of communication, compassion and collaboration.

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The Advantages of Mediation

The average cost of a traditional divorce ranges from approximately $15,000 to $50,000. Most mediations are successfully completed for less than $1,500.

Mediation is the most effective way of protecting children from being torn between two angry parents.

The chances of future litigation and conflict are eliminated as the couple cooperates in forging an agreement that they have created collaboratively.

Mediation is confidential. Any statements or notes taken during the process cannot be used in any future litigation.

Each spouse has the freedom to consult with an attorney, but they will not be part of the mediation process.


You can withdraw from mediation at any time to pursue traditional legal options.

Mediation begins the process of rebuilding emotional health.

Open communication and a new sense of collaboration uncover creative thought that stimulates innovative resolution.

The couple evades many repressive rules and procedures that often impede collaboration and agreement.

You are the architects of your final agreement, not the lawyers, not the courts.

Mediation has been recognized as the most sensible, productive and humane option for a separating and divorcing couple. Its under girding principals of enhanced communication, collaboration and its search for creative solutions have built agreements which have lasted a lifetime.

To find out more about Divorce & Separation Mediation, click here.

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About the Mediator – Bob Hollander, JD, LCSW-C

As both a therapist and lawyer, I have developed a unique approach to mediation, drawing from my respective legal and therapeutic areas of expertise. My legal credentials provide for a broad appreciation of the legal issues that you will confront and my training as a therapist and counselor enables me to guide you through the difficult and emotional challenges before you.

I am the director of Mediation with Heart, a center that specializes in divorce and business mediation. I received a law degree from Rutgers Law School and a Masters in Social Work from San Diego State University. I have been trained and am professionally associated with the Maryland Institute of Continuing Professional Education for Lawyers, and I am a member of the Association for Conflict Resolution. I have also taught and practiced law in Santa Rosa, California and lectured at the Rutgers University Graduate School of Social Work.

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